Don’t Be a Lone Writer
By Mike Apodaca, High Desert Branch (“HDCWC”)
Writers can easily become reclusive, shutting themselves off from others in order to get their writing done. When we take into account all the research, drafts, editing, critiques, publishing, and promotion (social media, newsletters, website) that go into writing, it can be all-consuming. This can cause us to shut ourselves up in our own mental worlds for the sake of getting out the next project(s).
With this pressure, it is easy to see how our circles of friends and family would shrink, perhaps even disappearing altogether.
I have found it very important to prioritize my relationships above my writing. This is especially true of my marriage (Debi and I just celebrated 40 years). Good marriages are the result of time and a big dose of intentionality—they are strategically built. They do not happen by accident.
Second, I try to stay connected to my extended family. We do a weekly Zoom meeting to keep in touch. I make phone calls and we have family gatherings every month or so. We also go on vacation together every year.
Beyond this, I spend time nurturing my relationships in our writing club. I hang out with members at Corky’s, drinking coffee and sharing stories. I also attend the Wednesday Zoom check-in, a place where I have developed some good friendships. Then there is my critique group, where I can share my writing, mistakes and all, while talking and laughing with trusted comrades.
Finally, I get to see my writing friends at all our regular meetings.
Now why is all this so important? Because you never know when you are going to need the support of family and friends. Life happens to us when our guard is down. It has been two weeks since my mom passed away. She had been infirmed for some time. It was not unusual to have members of the club ask me how my mom was doing. When she passed, I received wonderful support from our club. Members sent me lovely cards.
Losing my mom has been an unspeakable loss. But having a community of support and love around me has made all the difference. Thank you all for your friendship.
No matter how famous you become, no matter how strong the pull is to shut yourself up in a writing cocoon, my advice is to make your relationships your priority. Your books and stories will not comfort you in dark times. Your friends will.
I am thankful for you all.
This essay first appeared as the President’s Message
in the November 2023 Inkslinger, newsletter of the High Desert Branch.