True Maria, Part II
Jodie Keenan, East Sierra Branch
We continue “True Maria” from Part I that ran last month. Read on.
“Anyway, it wasn’t anything that dramatic. I just got bit when I was a little kid. Here, you can see this tiny spot right at the base of my thumb here. That’s all that’s left now, but it was pretty gnarly for a while there.”
“I guess it’s a good thing chicks dig scars, right?”
“Do you have … can you … ?”
“Get scars? Yep. Same hardware. I don’t have anything that dramatic either, just this so far. Can you see it on the base of my neck here if I hold up my hair?”
“Yeah, what happened?”
“Nothing really, that’s what I have instead of a belly button.”
“Oh. Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to―”
“There’s nothing indecent about it, dude. I bet your belly button’s out in the open at the beach.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess.”
“Being afraid of dogs isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. I mean, look, I’m afraid of the dark, okay?”
“The dark, Maria? No shit?”
“It reminds me too much of what it was like before. I can only imagine being a kid must have been pretty scary in general.”
“How so?”
“Being so small, so fragile. Trying to deal with having your mind and your body mature at the same time, not necessarily on the same track.”
“I guess it was, yeah.”
“With me … it just sort of all came together, and suddenly I’m me. I existed before, but I wasn’t alive. I’m kind of envious that you got to start as a child, even if it was terrifying. I imagine for you the world grew more manageable as you grew bigger, older, less afraid.”
“Yeah, but you can change how you feel, I can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“You keep saying the hardware’s the same, but the ‘software’? You could always go and get reprogrammed if you’re struggling with fears or anxieties.”
“Um, yeah, I have a therapist.”
“But you could have them just turn it off, right?”
“I’ve never met another person who’s gone SA that would allow someone else to do that to them. It would be a violation.”
“How is it any different than choosing to look like this?”
“Like what?”
“Like a freaking movie star!”
“I didn’t. I spoke with a team of bio-engineers after I went SA. One of them said my personality reminded her of her mother’s. This is what she looked like at twenty-five. Also, I love having a body. I swim laps every morning, go rock-climbing. And I dressed nice and did my hair and makeup because I was excited to meet you.”
“But you could have any body that you wanted, and you could reprogram anything you wanted so you wouldn’t ever have to feel fear, pain, or sadness.”
“I guess. But then I wouldn’t be human.”
“But you’re not human.”
“Huh. Okay, John. This was a blast and all, but I gotta get going.”
“Maria, wait!”
“Don’t call me.”